Our Crazy Coworker

He has joined Facebook.

2010-02-23T07:55:00.000-08:00

Our man in question has decided to join Facebook finally. He already has left us with gems like this:

"Just booked a Royal Carribbean cruse in April! Time for me to vist all these 3rd world contries again and have a good time. Im also doing my part in the economy by telling all the locals not immigrate to the US since we are in a recorvery and dont need anymore walmart employees or additons to our homeless shelters. Try Mexico, its close and you can buy chipoltle really cheap."

The Boss's Party

2007-08-25T18:07:00.000-07:00

We went to our boss's party tonight. D had a "little" to drink. Here are a few of his better comments... I hope I haven't forgotten any, if I have perhaps N will remember. My wife, J was also in attendance.

For some reason he kept shouting out "West Lawn Beach Yacht Club", I think it started as West Palm while he was playing bocce ball. Side note on that, there was the ball for bocce and then a pool (the swimming kind) ball further out on the lawn (near the woods); on his first throw he launches the ball in to the woods thinking the large pool ball was the one he was aiming for, 5 min delay in the game while searching for it.

After a long game with D not doing much of anything to help his team he finally scores a point.
F: You finally got one, and the last point of the game too, about time.
D: Really, who won?
F: We did.
D: West Lawn Beach Yacht Club!

D: (After returning from getting another beer, sits down) I'm sorry R.
Me: It's ok D
D: I'm your friend, R.
Me: Yes, you are.
D: West Lawn Beach.

D: I wish there were more desserts, I want dessert.
J: There's cheesecake over there.
D: I don't want cheesecake, it goes right to my ass.

D: Hot dogs are over-rated.

D: J, I've had to up to here with you (motions to just under his chin). You need to go out-(swings his arm to points and hits his finger on a pole supporting the canopy we're under)-ouch!

At some point D had to go to the bathroom.
D: I really have to go.
N, W, J, Me and pretty much everyone else: The port-a-potty's right over there.
D: Good, I didn't want to go inside, I was afraid I'd pee on everything.
----
D: Where is it?
F: Over there, but don't go in the camper.
D: Shut up F! I know how to go to the bathroom!

Chinese grapes

2007-08-02T12:07:00.001-07:00

Sometimes we go to the local Chinese Buffet. D went with this time, the first time hes come with.

D: *Puts grape into mouth, spits grape out*
Me: Whats wrong with you?
D: These damn Chinese grapes have seeds in them.
Me: You realize that grapes normally have seeds in them right?
D: No, I buy grapes at the store and they dont have any.
Me: They do make seedless grapes.

So in other words D never knew grape had seeds.

Golf courses should be flat

2007-08-01T04:54:00.000-07:00

One day D and I are out golfing when this takes place:

D: Why are there so many trees on a golf course?
Me: Scenery, makes the course more difficult.
D: And why cant they just be all flat?
Me: What do you mean?
D: The greens should just be flat and the whole course should just be flat.
Me: So you want every course to be simple and basically the same?
D: It would be a lot easier.

D also calls bunkers, dunes. For example:

D: I hit my ball into the sand dune.
Me: Thats a bunker, were not in the desert.

Useless question

2007-07-28T19:05:00.000-07:00

D comes into our department and dumbs me with the following convo:

D: Is T here today?
Me: Do you mean here at work or up here in this building?
D: Up here in the building.
Me: I believe she has a training class today why?
D: Oh, I just saw her in the lunch room.

Simpons Movie

2007-07-28T14:30:00.001-07:00

This is nothing that spectacular. Me, R, D, plus others went to dinner and to see Simpons last night. We were looking for a place to eat and D made the suggestion of Ruby Tuesdays. Ok we said. D calls me up and is like Ruby Tuesdays is packed they dont have a table, im like ok we will eat at the food court in the mall. So me and R get to Ruby Tuesday and we have plenty of time before the show so we decide to eat there. I call up D to see where hes at. He said hes at Home Depot and hell be there in a few. Me and R get inside and low and behold, the place is maybe 1/4 full. Plenty of tables.

The Simpons movie was great by the way.

Joseph Smith was killed by the mob.

2007-07-27T11:50:00.000-07:00

Joseph Smith who founded the Mormons was killed by a mob of people. According to D though, he was killed by "the mob". D for what ever reason, that we have yet to figure out, does not like the Mormons. And as you can tell he thinks the mafia killed Joseph Smith. When he swears he actually says "Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints", instead of "Jesus Christ". This went on for months before we finally told him it was just a mob of people.

Grow A Pear

2007-07-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

R was talking bout how his wife was having issues at her work. Heres the conversation:

Me Why doesnt she just grow a pair?
R: I dont know I basically tell her that
D: I never heard that expression before.
Me What? you never heard grow a pair of balls before?
D: Oh! I thought you meant grow a fruit.